


Not Meant to be Broken

by wizardofahz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardofahz/pseuds/wizardofahz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of “For the Girl Who Has Everything”, Alex tells Kara the truth about Astra then takes some time off for self-reflection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Meant to be Broken

**Author's Note:**

> My plans for an Astra fic were waylaid by “For the Girl Who Has Everything”, and I ended up writing this instead. If you’re looking for fluff to soothe the pain of the episode, then I’m sorry because this is mostly angst. I started writing this before Arrow’s “Sins of the Father” aired, so it’s kinda-ish but maybe not entirely canon compliant.

“I need some time off.”

Hank took in Alex’s stiff stance, feet shoulder width apart and hands clasped behind her back. Her face was blank, but the aura of defeat betrayed her.

Concerned, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“I told Kara the truth about Astra.” Alex could see the _why_ in Hank’s face. “I couldn’t lie to her anymore. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t laugh and smile along with her like everything was fine when I had that lie hanging over my head.”

Hank opened his mouth to say something, but Alex’s momentum never gave him the opportunity.

“She’s had enough lies: her mom knowing Krypton was doomed, Astra being in Fort Rozz, me with the DEO, you with… your stuff. She deserved to know the truth.”

“How did she take it?”

Alex’s shrug was a combination of _What do you think?_ and _I don’t want to talk about it._

“It was a righteous kill, Alex,” Hank reminded her.

“No, it wasn’t,” Alex said, voice broken, regret dripping from her every word. “I was getting through to her. If you hadn’t come when you did, I think I could’ve talked her down. I didn’t have to kill her.”

“She had you leaning over the edge of the roof. I wasn’t going to risk letting her kill you.”

“I never said it’s your fault. I’ve put you in a difficult place a lot lately. I know that.” And she did. It was why she’d told James Olsen to keep her under when she knew Hank would try to pull her out. Worrying him as much as she did had probably kicked his protective instincts into overdrive. “I was the same way. I saw that Astra was going to kill you, and I didn’t think.” Alex paused. “I don’t think protecting the planet was ever supposed to be a family business.”

How were they supposed to protect the world when they were more concerned about protecting each other above all else? How was every other DEO agent supposed to trust that they wouldn’t put each other before the rest of them? She’d heard about James and Hank’s conversation when she was under with Kara, how Hank had admitted in front of other agents that Alex meant more to him, that she was family.

Maybe it was a good idea to spend some time apart, take a break, reassess.

“I need to give Kara some space, so I’m going to take some time off. Or you could suspend me. I’ve probably done enough in the last few days to deserve it.”

There was no way Hank was ever going to do that to her.

“Take some time. You deserve it.”

 

* * *

 

Nyssa approached the edge of the mesa. A familiar figure sat there, dangling her legs over the edge. Nyssa had gotten word from the village near Nanda Parbat that someone had been looking for her.

She sat beside her. “Agent Danvers.”

“Nyssa,” Alex greeted. “I’m not going to use that ridiculous title you always insist on.”

“The title is no longer mine,” Nyssa said, knowing the agent was referring to her former status of Heir to the Demon. The other woman looked at her with disbelief and possibly even concern, but Nyssa waved it off. “It is of no importance. You wished to see me.”

Agent Danvers sighed and looked out across the desert below them. “What would it take for me to get access to the Lazarus Pit?”

“A time machine. I destroyed it.” Out of the corner of her eye, Nyssa could see Agent Danvers’ shoulders slump at her words. “But Alexandra,” she continued, opting to use the agents given name to soften the blow. The other woman’s eyes hardened, and in them, Nyssa could see the rebuke she had heard time and time again: _How many times do I have to tell you, Nyssa? Call me Alex. Only my mother calls me Alexandra and even then only when I’m in trouble._ “Alex”, she corrected herself, “you know reviving someone with those waters results in a bloodlust that can only be sated by killing the person who hurt them, and –”

And Agent Danvers was laughing, pained laughter spilling humorlessly from her lips. “That would’ve been perfect.”

Brow furrowing, Nyssa offered, “If you require assistance in getting revenge, I can –”

She was stopped again by the same broken laughter. Alex turned to look at her. “Are you offering to kill me?”

“You wish to revive someone you killed?”

Alex looked back out over the expanse. “My sister’s aunt.”

Knowing Alex as she did, Nyssa figured there must have been a good reason, but when she said as much, Alex didn’t take any comfort in her words. “So I’ve been told.”

“You do not believe it.”

“I saved someone’s life, but I didn’t have to do it by taking hers. Especially not that day.”

Nyssa didn’t say anything, content to sit in silence until Alex decided to tell her more or that the conversation was over.

“My sister was in a coma under the influence of a parasite,” Alex said eventually. She knew that she had to let everything out and decompress sometime. If Nyssa was going to give her the opportunity, she might as well take it. It was better than talking to the DEO shrink at any rate. “It had her stuck in her perfect world, which probably doesn’t sound that bad, but it was killing her, so I went into her mind to get her out.”

She took a shaky breath and continued, “I wasn’t a part of her perfect world. Afterward she said she’d picked her childhood home because that’s what she used to fantasize about when she first came to us. And I get it. I wasn’t the big sister Kara deserved back then. But in this perfect world, she had her family back, her biological family including her aunt that she’d been estranged from for all these years. And then I ripped her out of her perfect world. I brought her back here, and then I killed the one person she could’ve gotten back.”

Nyssa considered everything carefully. She asked, “You are convinced this aunt could be redeemed in your sister’s eyes?”

“Yeah, but does it matter if she couldn’t? She was family. Kara never stopped loving her.”

“You fear that she will stop loving you,” was Nyssa’s astute observation.

“What if she doesn’t forgive me?” Alex asked, and Nyssa could hear the insecurity in her voice. “She’d be fine without me.” Kara was good at making connections and finding new family: James and Winn and Hank, all of them easy replacements for her. “Maybe I have to learn to be fine without her too.”

“I disagree. I have seen the bond between sisters,” Nyssa said, thinking of Sara and Laurel. “It is not meant to be broken, fraught though it may be at times.”

“Even between adopted sisters?”

“I do not think blood makes the bond any more real.”

Alex nodded slowly, and Nyssa could see her assurance seep in as Alex’s posture subtly regained form.

“When are you returning to National City?”

Alex gave Nyssa a wan smile. “So eager to get rid of me?”

“You are many things, Alex, but an assassin you are not. Nanda Parbat is not the place for you.”

Alex agreed with her words, but she wasn’t ready to go back just yet.

 

* * *

 

“Have you heard from your sister?”

Like Alex, Hank had decided to give Kara some space, and as no alien or superhuman had made noise within the last few days, he had let her take care of the other problems around National City with the help of James and Winn.

But then their systems had picked up potential alien activity, and he called her in.

“Nope,” Kara said, and Hank was glad to hear no obvious vitriol in her voice.

Still he said, “If you’re going to be angry at someone, it should be me.”

“I’m not angry. She did it to save your life. I get that. I’m just disappointed that you lied to me about it.” With an awkward shrug, Kara said, “I’ll get over it. Alex knows that.”

Hank didn’t look convinced. This was much bigger than any dispute the Danvers sisters could’ve had in their youth or Kara finding out that Alex was a DEO agent.

With a long-suffering sigh, he asked, “Do you know what I have to deal whenever you’re in danger?”

In that moment, Kara felt the spirit of Jeremiah Danvers hovering in the room. Nose twitching with discomfort, she offered a tentative, “Maybe?”

Kara had some idea of what Alex could be like. She was pretty sure the bullies from school could still hear Alex’s threats ringing in their ears as she towered above their bodies splayed out on the floor.

“I have had to deal with an illegal arrest, unauthorized civilians on a covert base, and a reckless agent putting herself in harm’s way,” Hank listed off. His voice softened. “I’m not telling you to get over it. I’m not asking you to forgive her. But I am worried about what it’d do to her if she loses you or even thinks she’s lost you by your own choice.”

Their conversation was interrupted as Agent Vasquez alerted them to ongoing anomalous satellite findings.  

“Don’t worry, Dad,” Kara tossed over her shoulder as she headed out to face the disaster of the day. Hank’s brow furrowed at the moniker. “She’ll be back before curfew.”

 

* * *

 

But a week passed by with no contact from Alex, and then Kara was the one asking Hank, “Have you seen Alex?”

As the days had gone by since their last conversation and Hank’s words sank in, Kara had started to worry. It wasn’t like Alex not to reach out, and Kara’s calls kept going straight to voicemail. Even when they were separated for college, they called each other regularly. They had never been on the outs for this long.

But that had been before the Black Mercy, before she’d shown Alex that her perfect world had Aunt Astra but no Alex Danvers. Now only one of them was alive, and Kara really hoped that Alex didn’t think she was the wrong one.

The only sign that Alex could be in National City was the scolding she’d gotten from Cat that morning. Though Kara had managed to salvage her job, Cat’s impersonal frostiness had persisted, everything conveyed in an almost flat professional voice, until she stormed up to Kara’s desk.

_“Kiera, you tell your guard dog of a sister that her intimidation tactics won’t work on me.”_

_“You spoke to Alex?” Kara asked quickly, perking up at the mention of her sister._

_But Cat paid her no mind and continued, “I will continue to treat you however I deem appropriate. I will not be forced into undeserved leniency.”_

“I have not,” Hank responded. He looked as displeased with that fact as she was.

Kara fidgeted, fingers playing with her cape. “Did she say how long she was going to be gone or if she was going anywhere?”

“No.”

“Could we find her using…” Kara gestured around at all the equipment.

“That would be an inappropriate use of this organization’s resources.” Switching out of his Director voice, Hank added, “And besides your sister knows them well enough to avoid detection if she wants to.”

If that was supposed to indicate that Hank had already tried or he simply had faith in Alex’s abilities, Kara wasn’t sure. Either way, it didn’t make her feel any better.

 

* * *

 

Alex had barely stepped into her apartment before there was pounding on the door.

“Alex! Alex, I know you're in there!”

Kara’s prompt arrival could only mean that she’d been keeping her eyes or ears open for her return.

The moment Alex turned the door handle, Kara sped through, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away. Please don’t leave like that again.”

Even though Kara’s hug was done out of love, she squeezed Alex with such fervor that it felt more lethal than all the times Astra placed a threatening hand around her throat.

Still, Alex let Kara have a moment before forcing out, “Kara, can’t... breathe.”

Kara released her and jumped back. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Alex reassured her before gesturing at the couch. “We need to talk.”

“Uh-oh,” Kara said with a little bounce as she followed Alex. “Sounds like you’re going to break up with me.” Alex’s sad smile/grimace combo did nothing to alleviate her worry. Kara froze, looking stricken, and asked, “You’re not, are you?”

Alex sat down and said lightly, “I don’t think sisters break up with each other.”

“Right. Good.” Kara plopped down beside her sister. “So where’ve you been?”

“Traveling mostly,” Alex answered obliquely.

“Your phone was off,” Kara commented, tone somewhere between accusatory and hurt.

“I wanted to give you space.”

“That means you don’t call me, not you don’t let me call you.”

“I also needed some space.”

Kara looked hurt at that.

Continuing on the vein of things that hurt Kara, Alex said, “I’m sorry I killed Astra."

Kara was about to respond with her stock answer of _You did it to save Hank_ but thought better of it. “I’m sorry if I made you think that I think of you any differently because of it.”

“It’s okay if you do. I know I do.” Alex sighed. “I hope you never have to kill anyone. I would hate for you to know what this feels like.”

“This doesn’t change anything,” Kara said, hoping her words were reassuring. “You’re my sister no matter what, and I told you, I need your support more than anyone’s.”

“Yeah, but that was before I killed your aunt. I wasn’t so sure you’d feel the same way afterwards,” Alex said. There was also the not existing under the Black Mercy bit, but there was no point in making Kara feel guilty about that.

Kara whacked Alex on the shoulder with a couch cushion. Hard. Alex rubbed her shoulder. She didn’t know getting hit by something that soft could actually hurt.

“You’re my sister,” Kara repeated forcefully. “Always. I won’t lie. It did hurt, Alex, but it’ll hurt more if I lose you too.”

“You won’t.” Alex took the cushion away from Kara and reached for her hand. “I’m not going anywhere, so I’m just going to apologize in advance for all the people I hurt in the future that you might care about, but I’m worried are going to hurt you.”

That reminded Kara of something. “Including Cat?” Alex gave her a blank look. “Okay, maybe not hurt, but she told me you talked to her. Something about intimidation tactics?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex said, but she had to admit - and only to herself at this moment - it had been invigorating. Her first act in her return to the role of protective big sister.

“Alex.”

“But let me know if it works.”

“Alex.”

Alex stood. “I’m going to check to see if I have any ice cream in the freezer or if you ate it all.”

“Alex!”


End file.
